A mentally incapacitated manager, thereby rendering Mittens Tuberculosis -- his most favorite-ist cat-- writing the opening day lineup, you inquire? Nope. Sorry, squirt, you're rather mistaken.
Then how, you wail to the heavens above, could anyone trot out what could only be considered a stream of consciousness lineup for a professional game?
No idea. But here's the poop-pudding in your lunchbox:
*Lineup courtesy of FANGRAPHS