Harbinger of Misery: Baseball is a Cruel, Cruel Bint

Expansion season, you ask?  Why no, my dear, that is most certainly not the case.
A mentally incapacitated manager, thereby rendering Mittens Tuberculosis -- his most favorite-ist cat-- writing the opening day lineup, you inquire?  Nope.  Sorry, squirt, you're rather mistaken.

Then how, you wail to the heavens above, could anyone trot out what could only be considered a stream of consciousness lineup for a professional game?

No idea.  But here's the poop-pudding in your lunchbox:

Batter	AB	R	H	HR	RBI	BB	SO	pLI	WPA
E Young	3	0	1	0	0	0	0	0.94	.060
J Peterson	2	1	1	0	0	0	0	1.01	.019
N Markakis	2	0	1	0	1	0	0	1.17	.061
F Freeman	2	0	1	0	0	0	0	0.90	.015
C Bethancourt	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	1.25	-.049
K Johnson	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	1.14	-.060
A Callaspo	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.88	-.043
A Simmons	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.61	-.030
J Teheran	2	0	0	0	0	0	0	0.70	-.035
Total	19	1	4	0	1	0	0	0.96	-.062

GRODY.


*Lineup courtesy of FANGRAPHS