A Tribute To The Lord God King of Most If Not All Lord God Kings

 

Richie don't care about emphysema or cancer.  His secondhand smoke is first class cool.  Want your pants to be as fancy as the righteous buccaneer you see above you?  Don't waste your time, plebeian.  Chesterfield has a new king -- and his name isn't yours.

  

Billy Joe Shaver or Josh Billings may have written:  

"I ain't never seen no man swing a redwood tree -  

Just smilin' from ear to ear- hope he got no beef with me.

I got no worry of mosquitos or pterodactyls or asteroids you see-

Now that I've seen Dick Allen swing a redwood tree."

Remember this day:  for it shall be forever known as the day the public rises up and and demands that stirrups will have a new name:  "Allens."  Bellow to your congress and write to the courts.  Edit the Wikipedia and petition Webster's.  Ladies, hoist up your "Allens" and wear them with a smart pants-suit.  Gentlemen, a finer combination of cummerbund and "Allens" has and will never be known.  Your left leg is "pride!" and your right leg is "glory!"  Take them into battle and vanquish your foe.  In unison we'll cry, "For Richie!"

I don't care for Gatorade and have never wanted to be like Mike.  

But I do have a little devil in me and that's why I say, "I want to be like Dick."

Godspeed to the forever and beyond.

   

The First Joke Ever, Probably (And The Only Inoffensive Joke Currently In Existence)

Hey, Pangaea- get your act together!

Inappropriate Thought Upon Viewing The Forty Meter Dash During The Special Olympics

Bring retarded is no excuse for being slow.